Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Clarity on the Edge of Life & Death
Yesterday my child stopped breathing and lay lifeless in my arms. It was only for a few seconds maybe, but everything that I thought was real was stripped away in that moment of realization - "he is not breathing." The clarity that came while on this line between life and death was not new. I have had this vision many times before. It gets blurred by daily life, daily routine, daily concerns.
This morning my stepson was upset because his shorts didn't match his shirt and he wasn't going to look right for his team's fundraising event. I said to him "You don't have to be cranky because your clothes don't match. Let's try to put things in perspective ..." and thankfully he stopped me and said "I'm not cranky." I was ready to scream out, "Your stepbrother stopped breathing yesterday!" What good would that have done except to make him feel worse? Somehow I think he knew what was underneath my seemingly calm words. He's pretty sensitive to others in that way. I could at least do the same for him in return. He is a child and, in some way, we all are.
My husband was unsure how to be in the hospital with this child of mine. Although not connected by genes, there is a mutual admiration that I have seen forming between them. They move cautiously in a difficult dance - resistant teenage stepson and set-in-his-ways middle-aged stepdad. My husband treaded softly like a child not knowing what to do - joking & trying to sidestep the seriousness of what had transpired, then holding me close knowing what could have been. My husband lost his first wife tragically. He's had the vision. I imagine that it's not easy to return there. If we were to live from a place of this kind of life and death clarity what would that look like? I want to explore this with a list....perhaps you'd like to add your own thoughts:
If we lived each moment as if it were our last, or the last of someone we loved, what would be different?
We would live very simply.....we would be surrounded by people and things that we loved.
We would share most of what we have with others less fortunate and keep only what we needed.
We wouldn't yell.
We wouldn't go to war.
We would cry alot - for the injustices of the world, for the needy, for victims, for the planet.
We wouldn't worry about our clothes matching, brand names, styles....
We would care where our food came from....we would thank our farmers...we would eat slowly and taste our food.....we would give thanks for everything that nourished us & want to share with others.
We would be grateful for life-giving water and never waste a drop.
We would hug people whenever we met, we would put our arm around someone who was
having a difficult day, we would stop to help someone who seemed to be struggling with a
small child, grocery bags, car troubles.....not just sometimes but always.
We would stop and listen when someone was speaking with us and we would look in their eyes.
We would never say "I don't have time" for something that was important to someone else or for something that would make our world a better place.
When faced with a situation or someone that was irritating, difficult, complicated, or frustrating we would know that nobody was dying and we could sort through it eventually.
When faced with death and dying, we would be grateful that we lived our lives as though each moment was our last, or the last of someone we loved.
This morning my stepson was upset because his shorts didn't match his shirt and he wasn't going to look right for his team's fundraising event. I said to him "You don't have to be cranky because your clothes don't match. Let's try to put things in perspective ..." and thankfully he stopped me and said "I'm not cranky." I was ready to scream out, "Your stepbrother stopped breathing yesterday!" What good would that have done except to make him feel worse? Somehow I think he knew what was underneath my seemingly calm words. He's pretty sensitive to others in that way. I could at least do the same for him in return. He is a child and, in some way, we all are.
My husband was unsure how to be in the hospital with this child of mine. Although not connected by genes, there is a mutual admiration that I have seen forming between them. They move cautiously in a difficult dance - resistant teenage stepson and set-in-his-ways middle-aged stepdad. My husband treaded softly like a child not knowing what to do - joking & trying to sidestep the seriousness of what had transpired, then holding me close knowing what could have been. My husband lost his first wife tragically. He's had the vision. I imagine that it's not easy to return there. If we were to live from a place of this kind of life and death clarity what would that look like? I want to explore this with a list....perhaps you'd like to add your own thoughts:
If we lived each moment as if it were our last, or the last of someone we loved, what would be different?
We would live very simply.....we would be surrounded by people and things that we loved.
We would share most of what we have with others less fortunate and keep only what we needed.
We wouldn't yell.
We wouldn't go to war.
We would cry alot - for the injustices of the world, for the needy, for victims, for the planet.
We wouldn't worry about our clothes matching, brand names, styles....
We would care where our food came from....we would thank our farmers...we would eat slowly and taste our food.....we would give thanks for everything that nourished us & want to share with others.
We would be grateful for life-giving water and never waste a drop.
We would hug people whenever we met, we would put our arm around someone who was
having a difficult day, we would stop to help someone who seemed to be struggling with a
small child, grocery bags, car troubles.....not just sometimes but always.
We would stop and listen when someone was speaking with us and we would look in their eyes.
We would never say "I don't have time" for something that was important to someone else or for something that would make our world a better place.
When faced with a situation or someone that was irritating, difficult, complicated, or frustrating we would know that nobody was dying and we could sort through it eventually.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Ancient Wisdom for Modern Relationships
According to Buddhism, there are four elements of true love. The first is maitri, which can be translated as loving-kindness or benevolence. Loving-kindness is not only the desire to make someone happy, to bring joy to a beloved person; it is the ability to bring joy and happiness to the person you love, because even if your intention is to love this person, your love might make him or her suffer.
Training is needed in order to love properly; and to be able to give happiness and joy, you must practice deep looking directed toward the person you love. Because if you do not understand this person, you cannot love properly. Understanding is the essence of love. If you cannot understand, you cannot love. That is the message of the Buddha.
Excerpted from True Love by Thich Nhat Hahn, 2006
According to Buddhism, there are four elements of true love. The first is maitri, which can be translated as loving-kindness or benevolence. Loving-kindness is not only the desire to make someone happy, to bring joy to a beloved person; it is the ability to bring joy and happiness to the person you love, because even if your intention is to love this person, your love might make him or her suffer.
Excerpted from True Love by Thich Nhat Hahn, 2006
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Being Light
When I allow myself to Be Light,
I live from a place of compassion.
I feel at peace.
I want people to feel welcome, heard and accepted.
I feel whole.
It is easy to accept others as they are.
I am not stuck or struggling because the Light holds me up,
embraces me gently,
permeates my being,
clears away all the blockages to Light.
My Being Light means that others around me are reflected in that Light.
I see them differently.
I feel the Light emanating from them as well.
Light knows Light.
Bonnie Nalley
June 30, 2012
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